I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
