so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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