Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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