Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Houston, we have a blender
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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