In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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