CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
