wrigley field is MILF paradise
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
