Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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