accomplished twins. life is a go
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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