Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
