im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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