I am puke
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
