which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
