my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
