Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
