the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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