Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
