i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
