"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
