our cab driver is having phone sex.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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