my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize