So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize