Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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