don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
