So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
