Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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