u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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