She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
