I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize