I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
