We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize