Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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