I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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