hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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