Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
