We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's shark week go big or go home
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize