If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize