Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
