you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
