Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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