Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
