She's JV to your varsity
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
