sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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