Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
