i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
