I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
