So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
