Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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