You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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