how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
