she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
