hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
