Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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