Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
