I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
