Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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