i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize