I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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