i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
