Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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