Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
