My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
