it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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