Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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