fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
