am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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