I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
