I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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