He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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