If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
