the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
