Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
