i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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