toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
