i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
