i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
