You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize