Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
