I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
