mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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