Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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