dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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