Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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