I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
