In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
