WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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