Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize