I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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