doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
did i walk over a car last night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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