My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
