At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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