I want to stick my p in your. b.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize