cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
