i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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