Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
