I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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