Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
