Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
