he thought i was a dude.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize