The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
