Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
