I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
