I wish I only lived at night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
