The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
