i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
