Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
