So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize