if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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