hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
