giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
