and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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