I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
