Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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